This photo was taken just a few weeks ago… still at my highest weight ever.
I literally just hopped out of the shower, dried off, and ran to grab my laptop because I didn’t want to delay on this post… and the message behind it. FYI: the example I’m giving is just how “accepting where I’m at right now” applies to my life… please attach the meaning in whatever **healthy** means necessary to your own situation.
If you read my post-wedding piece, you would have learned that I went to a naturopath where I got blood work done and ended up being put on a variety of supplements and tinctures, and somewhat miraculously started feeling so much better both mentally and physically, and I also lost a good amount of weight with little to no change in my diet and exercise levels (in full transparency, at the time I was loosing so much weight, I was doing very minimal exercise).
Well… sadly that didn’t last. I’m still on all of those same supplements, still eat roughly the same, and still do not workout enough, but I’ve gained a lot of weight. The first 10 lbs were somewhat slow… but I then gained 6 lbs OVER my highest weight ever… and that happened very rapidly. In that time I did start a new job that has been high-stress to say the least and I work very long days. I’ve also not had the time (or maybe the reality is that I haven’t made the time) to cook at home as frequently as I used to either. For the most part I still pay attention to what I’m eating when eating out (to include treats), and there’s been no significant difference from before. Oddly enough, while I can see the weight gain in my face a little bit, it’s different than it has been in the past… more slim even at my highest weight. I do notice however that I’m carrying weight differently on my whole body and that’s been something new to get used to. All that to say, it is really frustrating to feel like you’re gaining weight — and just becoming overall less and less healthy — almost overnight.
But enough of the back story, and now for the point of this whole post… Because I was so annoyed with myself for gaining this extra weight without changing a whole lot in my diet, I refused to buy clothing to fit my new physique… I didn’t want to be this new size so how could I “reward” myself with new clothes? While much of my clothing still fits, my jeans are TIGHT and I only have a couple pairs I can still wear at all. So I finally decided to do something about it AND stop punishing myself. Friday (yesterday) I got a new — more thorough — blood test completed. I don’t have the results yet, but when I do I am committed to listening to the meaning of those results and doing whatever I can to get my health back on track. And, I finally bought a pair of jeans. In a bigger size than I wanted to, but a size that fits my body as I am right now so that I can be comfortable and feel good in what I’m wearing.
If those post sounds all about weight loss and gain and the trials and tribulations humans have to go through when it comes to that topic, it really isn’t. It’s simply a reminder that life happens, things change unexpectedly, stress can build up, motivation sometimes dwindles, or a myriad of other things, but don’t put energy or precious mind space into punishing yourself… just accept where you’re at and take steps to move forward. I took my own advice this week by going to get blood tests so I can actually see what in the heck is going on with my body which will help me takes steps in the near future, but I’m also not going to stress myself any further by hating my bigger body… because my new jeans are comfortable, they make my booty look pretty damn good, and the “size” is just a number… not the end of the world! You absolutely CAN be in the process of taking steps forward, while still appreciating (or at the very least, accepting) where you’re at right this second.
